The plumber and I decided to end our relationship last night. I am sad and disappointed, and it hurts. Last night we didn’t fight. We never did fight. He said that he didn’t love me, and therefore he didn’t want to keep doing ‘us’. I am not sure if I love him, but I really enjoyed what we had. In the last 3 months he kept calling and wanting to come over and ended up spending most nights at my house. During that time I started to believe that we really did have a relationship and that we were falling in love. I am pretty sure he felt the same. We had so much fun together, every night. I told him that his behavior misled me and that I was really going to miss him. He said he was really going to miss me too, and that he had fun and enjoyed everything too.
I know that I can’t change how he feels, nor do I want to.
I know that it is ok to be hurting right now. And it does hurt.
I know that I will get through this.
But I want him to stay in my life. I love falling asleep with him and waking up next to him. I love cooking for him. I love talking with him and sharing my thoughts and feelings and getting his perspective. I love listening to him talk about his life, his thoughts, and his feelings. I love his mellow demeanor. I love the way he makes me feel inside and out.
I know part of the reason that he is done has to do with my children. They are young. Who in their right mind would want to be deeply involved with a single mom with that much responsiblity? I realized this the day that my ex and I split up– I knew that he would re-marry and that it would be dificult for me to even date. That is a really difficult aspect of being a single parent and it hurts a lot.
It was nice to be in a relationship as fulfilling as ours was and it saddens me that I don’t have it anymore. It makes me cry. I am glad that I had the time that I did with him.
~ Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop. ~ Lewis Carroll
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