I have been divorced for nearly 4 years. During those years my children have spent approximately one week with their father. Yes, maybe, seven days and nights. The rest of the time it has be up to me to take care of them. The truth is that initially, I did not want them to spend the night with him, and they didn’t seem to care one way or the other. If he asked, to see them or have them, I never have said no, however. This week it seems like the last 4ish years have piled themselves on my shoulders and I am feeling pretty weighted down by the pressure of successfully raising my children on my own, as well as everything I have been through in the last 4ish years. It’s a lot! I don’t think it is impossible, but it is hard being a single parent. Obviously, the rewards of being a mom are impossible to truly appreciate until you are right in the midst of it and then live through it. ‘This too shall pass’, really is true.
Spending the time that I did with the plumber introduced me to the world outside of being mom. He didn’t do any parenting, but I was allowed to be just me during the time he was here. Of course, I was still ‘mom’ but when we were together I was also just me for a bit. It was a different me than I am with my friends. It wasn’t a major difference, but there was some parts of me that I haven’t seen for a long, long time, I liked introducing that part of me to the real world again. I really liked it. We watched movies, cooked, played games, and talked, among other things, and I was just an adult hanging out with a ‘hot’ male friend during those times. It was consistent and I had fun. The children were still here, and if they needed me I was there for them, naturally. But, the plumber usually came over after they were asleep and so I had my ‘me’ time with him . I am missing that more than actually missing the plumber himself, perhaps.
And, I could talk to him about parenting things and bounce my feelings off him. We actually didn’t agree on some of my parenting skills. He is adamant that I should not swear in front of my children, yet he had no problem with them finding him in my bed. He thought I should always turn the music down when in the car and at home too, and believed that I was a bit lenient on their long hair. I respected his opinion, and listened to what he had to say. And I was able to adapt, rather quickly, to his idea that it was ok for him to spend the night. My children are fine with it. In fact, they liked it when he was here in the mornings. I continued to crank up the tunes when he wasn’t around. I like my music loud. I let my children make their own decision regarding their hair. (Trust me I know that I have way bigger battles to fight in the upcoming years. ) I was still being the best mom I could be but I was discovering another part of me. The exploration was fun. I like having someone here to talk to about my day and/or life. I liked sharing me with someone else in that way that you do with a lover.
I hope I get the chance to do it again, with someone willing to go the distance, in the future. And hopefully he will be just as ‘hot’ as the plumber. ;D
~ We may go to the moon, but that’s not very far. The greatest distance we have to cover still lies within us. ~ Charles de Gaulle
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