Denial

My kids have been in school for just over a week now, and I am still in denial about the ‘end of summer’. I want it to just continue on and on and on.

I start school in a week and am wait-listed on the two classes that I need to take. Great. It has been a long time since I have been college, but I am pretty sure that if I show up for class the first day, my chances of getting in are pretty good. Let’s hope so, since everything is balanced out according to the schedule that I have signed up for.

More later……………

~ I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. ~ Garrison Keillor

a good fight

The queen mother and I got into an argument a while back. No matter how I prefaced my argument, she didn’t listen to me. She was hell-bent on getting her point stated and confirmed as right. I listened and acknowledged her version, truly I did. Then I tried to tell her my side. She has no idea what I thought, or felt about any of it. ARGH!!

I hung up, and said, out-loud-to-myself: “Is your name (insert ex’s name here)?” Then I guilted myself into feeling bad for the rest of the day and somehow figured out that I was wrong. I wasn’t wrong. But I don’t know how to fight the good fight. I listen and try to understand the other person’s side and feelings, but I am completely ineffective at stating my side. Plus, I cry too easily. I, usually do apologize for upsetting the balance and I don’t necessarily expect an apology in return. I am also, very good at stepping around the conflict once it has occured. I don’t avoid the person, but I can avoid the situation that caused our disagreement. I know that is not good.

We’re still friends.
~ The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there’s gold in letting go of them. ~

John Seely Brown

Child services

My children are growing their hair out. It’s past their shoulders and their bangs are in their eyes. It drives me a bit batty, but it is what they want to do, and this is one battle that I won’t engage.

The father saw them for 3.5 hours last week. He hasn’t seen them for several months and this was probably the last visit for the year. The father isn’t a big fan of long hair on boys..

This morning I got an email that said he was contacting child services because ‘if their appearance is any indication of their living conditions it is a concern.’ He also suggested that I take this serious as ‘they don’t deserve this as young kids.’
He just can’t let it go.

~   Your theory is crazy, but it’s not crazy enough to be true.  ~   Niels Bohr

Summer fun.

We had a picnic at the park tonight.

As we were walking to the car one of my children told me that he had been talking to a girl who spoke ‘Russia’.

I asked him if he understood anything that she said.

And he said he could only understand a little bit.

I love that about kids.

~In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. ~ Mark Twain

Guess not

I finally caught up with the plumber.

When I told him that I was done playing on his B-squad he tossed me a big ole curve ball and told me that he wanted to keep seeing me. The last thing I expected. AND, he ended it with the other woman– I truly believed that he would hit the road without looking back when it was offered and didn’t know how to respond.

I am still surprised.

Completely shocked!

We had dinner last night, and had a blast.

He makes me smile and laugh.

I guess I will continue to travel this road and see where we go from here.

~ When you come to a fork in the road, take it. ~ Yogi Berra

A little relationship on the side please

I was going to wait for the plumber to call me and then tell him that I am done. But for some reason this morning I decided to call him. I had it all planned out. I was going to make sure that he was home and ask him if I could stop by. I was going to return his scrabble game and then tell him: “I’m done. I guess I want a side of relationship with the drinking and fucking– sex-, hmmmm….. the intimate (? that’s not right either, but you get my point) moments that we share.”

Are you stunned that I was sleeping with him…..???

He wasn’t home. I didn’t leave a message.

Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves. Ralph Waldo Emerson

You get what you give….NOT

I really want to believe that old saying ‘what goes around– comes around’— my X truly deserves it. Truly!! I don’t think of it as revenge since I won’t be controlling it. And, trust me revenge has sounded like a very good thing more than once while trying to deal with the idiot I married and then divorced.

BUT~ is ‘what goes around – comes around’ any different than ‘you get what you give’?? I wonder.

I have decided to cut ‘the plumber’ loose. I have welcomed him into my home, fed him, bought him several bottles of jager, burned him CD’s, been available to him and more.     Much more.    He stays here for a couple of nights and then I won’t hear from him for several nights…. Admittedly, he never told me that it was only me, and I went along with it. However, I am drawing the line now. The next time he calls I am not going to allow him to come over. I am not going to blame him, and more importantly I won’t blame me. I am simply going to tell him that I am done. I have been giving him way more than I am getting from him……….

I am done.

Been there — done and divorced that…………….

It won’t phase him. That sort of saddens me.

I’ll get over it.

`All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered, the point is to discover them. ~ Galilieo Galilei

Girl stuff

It is common knowledge amongst my friends and family that I ‘clean up well’, it just rarely happens. I spend my days surrounded by children. I wear jeans and a t-shirt ( shorts and a tank in the summer). I shower and quickly dry my hair. I wear very little, if any make-up. I am doing kid things most days. They just don’t notice.

The last time I painted my nails was probably 30+ years ago. I am 41 now. A couple of weeks I ago I went to a wedding and wore a basic black skirt combo, and put on make up and did my hair. AND, I painted my toe nails. I cleaned up nicely and people noticed.

But, who forgot to mention to me that if your toenails are painted a multitude of sins are covered up. I have since bought nail polish remover, and painted my toes……………….again! And I plan on continuing to do so through the summer. And maybe even longer.

~ It’s the good girls who keep diaries, the bad girls never have the time. ~ Tallulah Bankhead

Words do hurt

After just telling you how unaffected I am by a harsh ‘Fuck off’ I have to admit that, OK, obviously, words are powerful.

Sitting in the sweltering heat at the pool today talking with a friend I learned about another one of her friends who just recently got divorced. She is my age. She has two kids. She has a job. She has been on several dates, and goes out frequently….. and the clincher is that she has gone out with a boy 1/2 her age. YES, he is a college student and he sought her out. She could be his mother!

I have been divorced for 3ish years, and have had 2 dates. What is wrong with me, and what is right with her?

I am wallowing in self-pity. And, I am getting ready to have a strong margarita and shall try to stop thinking about what a loser I am…..

~ In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. ~ Paul Harvey

Twin Fin

California-Merlot-screw-top.

Twin Fin.
It's good.

We drank it all….. and I have only one smoke left. And, my head hurts this morning.

We're off to the lake.

~  Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.  ~  Aristophanes